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28 AUG 2001
1PM 
My wife and I have moved to Iowa. You see, Jill (Mrs. Robot) will be attending graduate school for a couple of years and it just seemed right that I move with her.
Like most sane people, I hate moving. I should clarify - I like living in new and different places. I just despise the moving process: pack, load, drive, unload, unpack, rearrange, and repeat. It doesn't help that my wife and I own an awful lot of junk - more than ever, since our wedding last year.
The following is an account of our move. Those of you with little or no interest in this type of thing will be completely bored - I apologize.
The Plan
With the lengthy trek to Iowa and the raw tonnage of our possessions, it was clear that we would need to rent a moving truck. In central Wisconsin, our options were U-Haul and Ryder. U-Haul horror stories from friends and family led us to the conclusion that Ryder equipment is generally newer and more reliable. Unfortunately, the Ryder dealer nearest our Iowa apartment was more than a thirty-minute drive away. To reduce truck return headaches, we reluctantly reserved a 17-foot U-Haul truck with an automatic transmission and air conditioning.
Our challenge: move two cars and a rented truck to Iowa with only two drivers and clean the old apartment and get the carpets professionally shampooed and return the truck within three days of its rental. You might think that an automobile tow dolly and scores of tiny cleaning elves would do the trick, but we settled on a different solution: two trips. We would drive Car #1 and the moving truck to Iowa, unload the truck, return the truck, drive together in Car #1 back to Wisconsin, clean the WI apartment, let the carpet cleaner do his thing, and (finally) drive Car #1 and Car #2 to Iowa. Not an elegant plan, but one that satisfied all of the conditions of our challenge and avoided the dreaded tow-car-behind-moving-truck scenario.
Comparable Equipment
Truckshop USA, the U-Haul dealer, was supposed to have our truck ready for us at 9:00 on Monday morning. Our reservation was ancient and triple-checked. Shortly after 9:00, Jill called to confirm that a truck was waiting for us. It wasn't. We were told by Jim at Truckshop USA that a truck might show up. In place of the reserved equipment, we were offered either a 14-foot truck and tow-behind-trailer or a 24-foot beast of a truck with a standard transmission. Quite unapologetic, Jim said that he would call other U-Haul dealers in the area and ask about available 17-foot trucks. Jim was supposed to call at 11:00 to let us know if he had found anything. Eleven came and went - he never called. Now desperate, Jill called the U-Haul dealer in a neighboring city. To our surprise, they did have a 17-foot truck available. Surely, Jim would have found this truck, had he really called around. Of course, we immediately reserved this new truck. You know the old saying - "A truck in the hand is worth two in the reservation bush" - or something like that.
Before going to pick up the real truck, we went to Truckshop USA to cancel the phantom truck. Jim offered no hint of an apology, explaining that, because he offered us "comparable equipment", it really wasn't his problem. Fortunately, getting an equipment deposit transferred between U-Haul dealers is relatively hassle-free.
Jill and I picked up the truck from the neighboring city and returned to our apartment without incident - 30 minutes each way. Hey, didn't we originally choose U-Haul over Ryder to save a 30-minute drive?
Pinocchio
On the drive from the dealer to our apartment, I realized that the moving truck's air conditioner did not work. Easy to notice, when the outside temperature is right around 100 degrees Fahrenheit. As our luck would have it, we were moving during what would probably be the hottest and muggiest days of the summer. With the Midwest gripped by a terrible heat wave, we would likely enjoy torturous temps at both ends of our interstate move.
After a few phone calls, someone at U-Haul's national phone number told Jill to call Truckshop USA, the nearest U-Haul dealer, and ask for repair service. Of course, Jim at Truckshop USA wanted nothing to do with us and our truck. He stated that he couldn't help us because we "went over [his] head" and lined up a truck. Playing the martyr, Jim told Jill that he had arranged to get a 17-foot truck for us from the other U-Haul dealer in town, but then we screwed up and made our own phone call. Not surprisingly, when that other U-Haul dealer finally returned our call, he said that he did not have a 17-foot truck and certainly hadn't talked to Jim about it. Jim, I'd like to sing you a song... it ends with "nose as long as a telephone wire".
Friends and Furniture
Our friend Kirby arranged for his parents to give Jill and I one of their couches. We were tickled - it would be our first couch. We knew that there would not be room in our new apartment for a couch and our two recliners. We gave one of the recliners and an old foosball table to our friend Bob - sort of payment for helping to load the truck. I don't think he really wanted the chair.
With the truck loaded, Jill and I departed about midday on Tuesday. The truck was leaking a little of something, but the motor oil and transmission fluid looked just fine. I drove the rented sauna, while Jill cruised in the air-conditioned comfort of Car #1. We stopped in Madison, WI at Kirby's parents' house to pick up Kirby and the couch. After grabbing a bite to eat, Kirby joined me in the rolling oven and the three of us headed for Iowa. We attempted to use a couple of newfangled walky-talkies to communicate between the two vehicles, but communication is difficult when everyone sounds like an adult in a Charlie Brown cartoon - "Wha whuwha wha wha whuwha whahh!"
The speedometer in the U-Haul truck was off by at least 15 mph. Not an issue, since the loaded-down truck could only manage about 35 mph uphill. Jill led in Car #1, while Kirby and I tried our best in the iron beast not to hold up traffic.
It was dark when we finally arrived at the Iowa apartment. Though exhausted, we took advantage of the slightly cooler night temperatures to unload the moving truck. A large cicada entered through the open door. Unfamiliar with the species, we thought that it was a 2-inch mutant housefly.
The next day, our DSL service was installed, our cable television was turned on, and we returned the truck to the nearest U-Haul dealer. Kirby and I even had time to visit a local disc golf course before dark. What does that say about our priorities?
Damp Floors and Saggy Cars
First thing Thursday morning, the three of us crawled into Car #1 and drove back to Wisconsin. We dropped Kirby off in Madison and made plans to see him when we passed through on Saturday. Jill and I continued on to our old apartment and commenced cleaning. For the next two days, we cleaned. Thursday night, Jill and I slept on the floor. Our carpets were damp on Friday night, but Bob was kind enough to let us sleep at his place.
Finally, seven hours later than anticipated, we said goodbye to the WI apartment. Both cars were filled to capacity with the odds and ends that didn't make the first trip. In fact, the back end of Car #2 was noticeably sagging from the weight.
The Homestretch
When we arrived in Madison, we really only had time for dinner. It was getting late and we were tempted to spend the night in Madison. With the end of our move so near, we decided to persevere. After a difficult farewell to Kirby, Jill and I resumed the journey.
Besides Jill's scary near miss with a drunk driver, the rest of the trip was uneventful. We arrived at the Iowa apartment and had absolutely no desire to unload the cars. Instead we went directly to bed.
